I woke this morning with limbs feeling tingly and asleep, my ear loud and rattling. A knock on the door at 7:45, when all I wanted was to stay in my bed after a very broken nightís sleep. I staggered downstairs to receive a parcel from the post lady. Staggered back up and just lay there for Ĺ hour trying to stop the room swirling around me.
A quiet day in the house Ė again Ė was what I had planned. Then my little girl came down and asked what we were doing today. I took one look at her little face, all expectant, and thought Ďoh, stuff my dizzy head Ė Iím taking her outí Ė so I did.
I canít say I felt well, because I didnít, but we took a bus into Durham, had a walk around the shops in the cold sunshine and sat by the river huddled up on a bench together. I took her for a pizza, then went and got some Ďposhí cupcakes from an upmarket stall in the town square. Then we came home. Not the most exciting of days, but very special in our own low-key way.
Iíve decided that whatever I have going on with me isnít going to beat me. I have so many days when getting out of bed, doing the most basic of tasks around the house, even a 5 minute walk to collect my daughter from school, seems like a marathon task. So, even if I feel lousy, if I can, Iím going to just do things. I can still walk, even when I feel like my legs will pack in and my balance is all over the place, so Iím going to just keep doing. For 4 years Iíve kind of lived in fear of what if...Iíve had enough of that. Whatever this is, Iím still here, still managing to do things with my family, still hopeful for the future. And where thereís life thereís hope, donít they say?
I think the small steps Iíve been taking, as trivial as they may seem, are giving me a mental boost, and Iím hoping the physical boost will not be too long in coming. Doing normal things even when I feel so poorly, beginning my Vitamin supplements, planning family outings, I see as something pro-active Ė and itís been a while since Iíve felt Iím doing anything to help myself. And though physically Iím not quite there Ė well, Iím a long way off actually Ė anything I can do to improve my mental well-being can only be good for me and my family.
Iím keeping my fingers crossed Iíll be up to another day out tomorrow to the cinema. That would be nice.