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Marina

First Mammogram

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Sluggish
Marina

Many women are afraid of their first mammogram, but there is no need to worry. By taking a few minutes each day for a week preceding the exam and doing the following exercises, you will be totally prepared for the test and best of all, you can do these simple exercises right in and around your home.

 

EXERCISE ONE:

Open your refrigerator door and insert one breast in door. Shut the door as hard as possible and lean on the door for good measure. Hold that position for five seconds. Repeat again in case the first time wasn't effective enough..

 

EXERCISE TWO:

Visit your garage at 3 am when the temperature of the cement floor is just perfect.Take off all your clothes and lie comfortably on the floor with one breast wedged under the rear tire of the car. Ask a friend to slowly back the car up until your breast is sufficiently flattened and chilled. Turn over and repeat with the other breast.

 

EXERCISE THREE:

Freeze two metal bookends overnight. Strip to the waist. Invite a stranger into the room. Press the bookends against one of your breasts. Smash the bookends together as hard as you can. Set up an appointment with the stranger to meet next year and do it again.

 

YOU ARE TOTALLY PREPARED!

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Marina

(belated DX in June '05, SPMS)

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Nindancer

LOL!

I'm so flat chested I have no idea how they'll ever manage to do mine, on the plus side they are easy to self-check.... I will come back here to weep if they ever make me have it done though.

 

Sonia x

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Procrastinating
Stumbler

Ladies, I feel your pain..............

 

It makes Prostate-checking almost pleasurable :what:

 

:moonieman:

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John aka Stumbler (as I do fall over!)

Illegitimi non carborundum

 

"Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming... "Wow! What a ride!"

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The Dragonfly

Wow, haven't had the pleasure of having one of these yet. Think I'll be well prepared for mine now, lol. I'm not so flat chested, but think I may be after this.

 

Jen x

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Lurking
PaulX

I agree with John, a finger up the bum is nothing in comparison.

And for various medical reasons not even that embarrassing any more.

 

If they would let men be mamographers, I am sure we would be much more sympathetic and gentle.

 

I too feel your pain.

 

Paul

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We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year,

Running over the same old ground.

What have we found?

The same old fears.

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Great Dane

Hahaha........... I wish I had read your post, Marina, before I had my first mammogram. This describes the 'joy' of this examination to a tee in my opinion.

 

I have had various friend who have gone through this test and most of them thought it was pretty bad, but do not let it put you off ladies, it does not last forever so be brave!

 

Great Dane x

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Sluggish
Marina

To be honest, my first mammogram was nothing as bad as this, and I'd prefer it over the procedure Paul mentioned. Had it once, never again...


Marina

(belated DX in June '05, SPMS)

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