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JenLou

I'm not sure who to talk to!

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JenLou

Hi

 

I don't have MS but my mum does. Her symptoms have been getting progressively worse over the last few years and her consultant has just started her on Rebif injections.

 

Lately (over the last year) she has been saying things to people, mostly family members, that are really hurtful and seem totally out of character. Its like her brain is not connected to her mouth! It seems that she doesn't realise that she has said them and then can't understand why people refuse to come and see her or talk to her or are nasty to her. She is getting very upset about the way people have been treating her although when I'm told what she has said I wouldn't blame them for not wanting to go near her!

 

I am the peace keeper in the family and am at a loss about what to do. The situation is very tough as one of the family members involved is terminally ill and another member has mental health issues of their own!

 

I want to know if this could be part of her condition before I just wade in there all guns blazing and what if anything I could possibly do about it without hurting her feelings and making things worse.

 

This is litterally tearing a very close knit family apart.

 

Please help, any coments would be very much appreciated!

 

thanks

 

J

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Hezza

Hi Jen and :welcome:

It sounds like a very distressing situation for all of you :hugs2: Your mum is lucky to have such a caring daughter.

 

To be honest I can't tell you that what you describe is or isn't part of your Mum's MS. I've not experienced this myself or heard it reported by others but as everyone's experience of MS is different that doesn't mean it isn't caused by MS. This link will take you to some info on the MS Trust website about mental state in MS which may help a little -> MS Trust

 

The MS Trust also have an information line and it may be worth giving them a call and asking about this?

 

I'm sure some of the other members will be along with their thoughts in due course :cowboy:


Life is short. Eat dessert first. Jacques Torres

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Christina

I agree with Hezza's advice. It is a very tricky situation for you to manage and your Mum's reactions could be part of her MS or it's possible she's feeling quite angry about how she's feeling. Talking to one of the MS Helplines might be a good way to go with this - they have lots of information they can send you to help and possibly family members might like to read them so they can understand what she may be going through.

 

Chris x :cowboy:


Not waiting for the storm to pass, but learning to dance in the rain ....

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ptlike

Hi J

Wellcome :cowboy:

If you know who your mums MS nurse is I would contact her I am sure she will be able to offer some advice

 

Best wishes

Peter

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Miss Wiggle

Hi there,

 

I've not much to add to the advice above but just wanted to say Hi and that I'm really sorry to hear of the tricky situation you're in.

 

I don't think the things you're Mum has been doing are a direct part of MS but perhaps it is a secondary thing, if you're poorly it's easy to become depressed and then you can lash out at those closest to you sometimes without even realising it. Perhaps this is a bit of a cry for help from your Mum to say she's not coping and needs some more help, sometimes it can be very hard to come out and say that directly even to those closest to you.

 

is your Mum seeing a counsellor or anything like that, starting the rebif injections really points to her entering a different phase of her MS and you could use that as the trigger for seeing a counsellor rather than saying anything about her rude behaviour which might make it easier for you to raise it with her and then it's in the hands of a trained professional to raise it with her in a constructive way.

 

Either way I hope things start to get easier for you and your family soon, and if you ever want to rant or have more questions feel free to come and talk to us.

 

Alice

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Christina

Just an extra thought on this Jen, did this change in your Mum seem to coincide with her starting Rebif injections? Interferons can cause depression in some people so it would be worth considering that and maybe discussing this possibility with your Mum's MS nurse.

 

Chris x :cowboy:


Not waiting for the storm to pass, but learning to dance in the rain ....

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JenLou

Thanks Cara,

 

It is very distresing and I was very upset yesterday to the point that I couldn't even look at my mum thats why I had to walk away from the situation and look elsewhere for help.

 

I think she has to know what she has said to the people involved so that she can begin to understand why they are giving her a wide berth, I just am not ure how to approach the problem without making her feel like I am telling her off!

 

I think I will get the number of her MS nurse and have a wee chat with them tomorrow.

 

Thanks for the coment

 

Jen :bomb:

 

Hi Jen and :welcome:

It sounds like a very distressing situation for all of you :hugs2: Your mum is lucky to have such a caring daughter.

 

To be honest I can't tell you that what you describe is or isn't part of your Mum's MS. I've not experienced this myself or heard it reported by others but as everyone's experience of MS is different that doesn't mean it isn't caused by MS. This link will take you to some info on the MS Trust website about mental state in MS which may help a little -> MS Trust

 

The MS Trust also have an information line and it may be worth giving them a call and asking about this?

 

I'm sure some of the other members will be along with their thoughts in due course :cowboy:

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JenLou

Hi Chris,

 

No the rebif seems to have had a good effect on her and she is feeling stronger by the day. This started over a year ago and her rebif started about a month ago. I only found out what was said over a year ago yesterday which is why I had not done anything about it yet. But when we started to piece together the things she has been saying and looking at her relapses over the last year they seem to coinside with when she was a bit on the low side. I am havig a difficult time with all this as I know that I would probably have reacted the way the others have if she had said the things to me.

 

Some of the people she was rude to confronted her right away and she apologised and they put it behind them others on the other hand were so shocked and deeply hurt that they did not know what to do or say so they have kept it to themselves choosing not to have her in their lives and what makes matters worse is that they have health problems too so they feel that they have enough on their plates without having to deal with someone elses problems too.

 

It is a complete nightmare!

 

thanks

 

Jen

 

Just an extra thought on this Jen, did this change in your Mum seem to coincide with her starting Rebif injections? Interferons can cause depression in some people so it would be worth considering that and maybe discussing this possibility with your Mum's MS nurse.

 

Chris x :cowboy:

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JenLou

Hi Peter,

 

Thanks I think I will talk to the MS nurse

 

Jen

 

Hi J

Wellcome :cowboy:

If you know who your mums MS nurse is I would contact her I am sure she will be able to offer some advice

 

Best wishes

Peter

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ptlike

Hi J

 

I hope things work out for you. I know my family have contacted my MS nurse if they have had any worries in the past and she has being helpful to them. I wish you the very best for the future.

 

Best wishes

Peter

 

Hi Peter,

 

Thanks I think I will talk to the MS nurse

 

Jen

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Christina

Hi Jen

 

I can now see it's not the Rebif. I think you're in a difficult position especially as the hurt and upset has occurred quite a while ago now, so bringing it up again could raise problems. I guess all I would hope is that the people hurt by your Mum's comments might forgive her but some people won't feel like doing that either I imagine. If your Mum continues to question why people aren't coming round or aren't that friendly anymore, you could talk to her in a gentle way about why that is. I just think that being 'piggy in the middle' can be a hard place to be. As your Mum gets stronger maybe she will start to think about contacting people herself again.

 

Sorry not to be able to help very much with this.

 

Chris x :cowboy:


Not waiting for the storm to pass, but learning to dance in the rain ....

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Dianni

Hi Jen and welcome to the forum.

 

I can't add anything to what has already been said but wanted to say I'm thinking about you. I was in a similar situation many years ago with my mother. It's so hard being caught in the middle. I hope your mum's MS nurse can help. Counselling for your mum might be an option, but also it could be useful for you too.

 

Hugs

Di

xxx

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