poetry/short story slot

[tickettaker]

I really like your poem angeltess.

 

I wouldn't edit it too much. It is a proper poem. Part of that is that others recognise it as a poem and also relate to it, even if you don't.

Ian Curtis refused to put his lyrics in his albums because he believed that once the song was released it became what people wanted it to be. He once loved a song, thought it was about something, only to find out he was wrong when he read the words.

 

Anyway I'm a great believer in the fact that once words are written and handed over they become more than whats on the page. (hope that doesn't put you off, its not meant to)

 

I know what you mean about saying the same things twice Nick. A friend told me a few years ago that rather than saying the same things in lots of different ways, if its that important just actually repeat it.

 

Taking that on board I wrote this once. (and no, I'm not telling you what its about, think of it as 'modern')

 

Take it easy onme.

Take it easy onme.

Take it easy onme, I'm more fragile than you.

 

All of those numbers, wrote out like a list.

I can't help thinking that some must be missed.

Then I feel so angry and end up getting pissed

off at myself.

 

So take it easy onme.

Take it easy onme.

Take it easy onme, I'm more fragile than you.

[angeltess]

Thanks tickettaker, I know what you mean about once words are written down - there's a poet, can't remember who it is now, but he said that the poem belonged to him when he was writing it, but once it was out it belonged not to him, but to the reader, or a kind of joint ownership.

 

Your words are really good - you can tell you're a songwriter - I bet you've got the music to go with them too. Weird as it may sound, the words are quite thoughtful, yet, I think they'd sound good with a type of punk music. But that's just me.

 

Well, I may start writing some real poems again now I've started.

[Scully]

Hello all you talented writers, artists and creative people.

 

I too do some editing and article writing for a couple of sites, don't earn a fortune but it keeps my mind active.

 

Not done much by way of poetry, but I did compose the following 'note' which we put through our neighbours doors last year when we had to have a tree felled on the corner of 3 houses drives.

 

Dear Neighbours.

 

The tree that sits alongside our drive,

It sheds it's leaves like an incoming tide,

We try to clear them every morning,

But it's a thankless task that keeps us yawning.

 

A hard decision to fell that tree,

It's roots are in the drains you see,

As to it's type, a Plane or an Oak,

It's a common Plane, according to the bloke,

The bloke that we have now employed,

With a truck and saws to be deployed,

 

On Friday next, a day that suited,

They will arrive, overalled and booted,

They will block the drive with their truck and tools,

We know you need to get to work and schools.

 

If we can ask, just for the day,

To move your cars, not far away,

Before the team of men have landed,

Cars in the road, so you don't get stranded.

 

It will free us all of leaves and twigs,

When the tree succumbs to their mighty rigs,

No more debris in the drive!

Please bear with us......Lori & Clive

 

I am pleased to report that the neighbours were happy to comply and the tree was felled without incident.

 

Scully

x

[angeltess]

What a lovely idea. A nice friendly way to communicate with the neighbours. It's a good poem too.

 

How could anyone refuse to comply with a note like that? xxx.

[Nick]

All Brilliant!

I don't know if I shared this one or not,

 

Living the Dream

 

 

 

 

Winter sunshine among fallen leaves

 

Hot soup and a chat

 

Unexpected among the fallen sheds we sit

 

Whilst we talk of this and that

 

 

 

 

Past and future dreams across the meadows float

 

A pleasant day a sunny , grassy, sacred spot

 

The tinkling waters shimmer by

 

In this your secret , hidden, Camelot

 

 

 

 

[angeltess]

That's beautiful. A simple subject, but very deep and meaningful. You can tell you wrote that about a particular spot and that it happened to you. It's little things like that which are the 'kodak' moments in life. They may seem of little consequence whilst living them, but they keep flashing back.

 

That's what I meant about my poem - it wasn't heartfelt like this one. I think I'll have to write about real situations which have been special as I used to when I was younger.

 

Really lovely, Nick. xx.

[Nick]

Well you have to be spontaneous and just write it, then sort it out afterwards and get rid of all the bits you don't like.

[angeltess]

I've dug this one out. I wrote this when I was about 13 or 14 I think. So long ago. It means more to me than that last effort, as it was written partly about a moor or fell where I spent most of my childhood years. It was also inspired by Egdon Heath from Thomas Hardy's The Return of the Native, and also from the moor in Wuthering Heights. Both these books helped make me who I am today, so writing this was a kind of tribute to Hardy and Emily Bronte, and to my childhood memories.

 

It's a bit dramatic, but hey, that's me. The limbo reference is a bit topical too. Never thought of that till now.

 

THE MOOR

 

 

The dark light, tinged with rosy shadows,

 

falls over the moorland, wild and bleak.

 

The soft wind lifts the fading heather

 

and moves the brook, so dark and deep.

 

 

In the distance, day is thriving;

 

far away the sky is bright;

 

but darkness, mistress of the heathland

 

lies early here for the night.

 

 

Sleeping in the inky blackness,

 

the moor is still, and cold as death;

 

the pulse of living non-existent,

 

in limbo, suffocating breath.

 

 

Morning arrives, coldly, slowly,

 

tardily lightening the lonely sky,

 

revealing the forbidding isolation

 

to the infrequent passers-by.

 

 

The dark moor, touched with golden sunlight,

 

Lies aloof and very proud;

 

clothed in furze and dying heather,

 

as a corpse lain in a shroud.

 

 

 

I've more where that came from, but I'll not inflict it on you good people yet. Drips and drops will do. Jan. xx.

Edited 6 Oct 2011, 12:31 pm by angeltess

[Nick]

Now I prefer your previous poem.

 

I can't quite put my finger on why that is. You can see the effort taken with this last one but it has no spontaneity ? One good thing is you have me thinking !!!!!!!!!

[angeltess]

It's strange, isn't it? I know what you mean. This one, I remember sitting in my bedroom, re-working it until I was 'happy' with it. The first one was spontaneous, knocked up in minutes. So, maybe it's more natural. I still prefer my teenage attempt. Probably because I 'know' it, since I wrote it a lifetime ago.

 

I'll maybe have a go now, a spontaneous one, but about something I care about. Pleased I've got you thinking. I am now too. xxx.

[Jelly]

Just a daft thought. I don't know if anyone would be interested, but, Nick's excellent poem on my topic 'neuro referral' got me thinking. Does anyone else dabble in poetry and short stories? If so, how would a monthly 'competition' go down? Nothing serious, just a bit of fun. Someone could suggest a topic for a poem or very short story, then anyone could enter one and be judged by other members. Probably a daft idea - I'd like it, but not everyone's cup of tea. Just thought I'd mention it to see if anyone else likes writing and stuff. It would show just how naff my stories etc are, but it would be fun. Don't worry if it's not a good idea - I get these brainstorms every now and then!!!

 

 

 

I would love to read Nick's poem on Neuro Referral. (I have my first one coming up soon.) Can anyone help me to find it please?

I am longing to have more time to explore the poems on here, but right now, I need to go and get some things done. I have a pile of ironing too!!

Edited 11 May 2012, 11:00 am by Jelly

[angeltess]

Hi Jelly, found it for you. I tried to copy and paste the actual topic, but can't do it. It's on page 27 of the general discussion forum if you want to read it.

 

I also tried to copy the poem here but it didn't work either - I'm not very technical I'm afraid.

 

Jan. xx

 

 

Edited 11 May 2012, 11:43 am by angeltess

[Stumbler]

Is this the one, Jan?

 

Possibilites.

 

Far better serenely than knifes or spears,

Where turmoil is the enemy.

A battle better fought at peace.

Hard fought, yet unnoticed.

Still this warrior must endure,

Not to conquer, just to understand.

 

[angeltess]

That's it. I found it but couldn't copy and paste it for some reason. I'll get the hang of technology one day. xx

[Jelly]

Thanks both of you. You're right, it does provoke consideration about facing health problems.

Up until the last couple of weeks, I believed that all my problems were from my back. (I have experienced the knives and spears!)

 

Now I am waiting to see a neurologist to rule out MS. This is before I face further spine surgery on my neck this time.

[Nick]

Jelly, Try this link back o some other writing about what its like. Writing <div><br></div>

 

 

Nick

Edited 11 May 2012, 2:59 pm by Nick

[Jelly]

Thanks Nick,

I am very impressed!

 

I haven't read it all yet because I like to take my time and digest it. It certainly does give insight into what you have gone through.

 

Interesting that you compared those early days with a roller coaster.

I have been struggling with spinal problems for a few years, and I compare it to a roller coaster ride. I don't like this ride and wish I could get off. I also feel like I am caged in, by the spine and my ribs, with the pain and anxiety of what the future holds.

Now my story (roller coaster) seems to be taking a new turn. I am being referred to a neurologist for exploration to see if every symptom is really from my cord compression in my neck, or is there something completely different also going on. I have my brain MRI scan in just over a week.

 

Keep up the writing. I suspect that it helps you as it helps me. I am not very prolific! I have lots of ideas and think I could use them, but they don't make the paper.

One day, when I have the time . . .

[Nick]

Don't worry about being 'Profficent' chuck the words down! These are real events and just put how you feel. Afterwards you can read through and sort of 'distil' where you were trying to come from, what you where trying to say. Its an odd thing, you can think about something for a long time but catching the moment is hard and often it won't make much sense to others .....BUT sometimes it can be a big help all round.

 

Nick