not sure if this is the place for me.

[Jess2013]

Hi all,

I joined yesterday, although still not convinced if this is the place for me.

I know no one would look down onme intentionally,

I just wondered if there are any others that come here from the opposite side of the

relationship to talk to eachother about how they cope and how they feel.

[Scully]

Hello Jess,

 

Nobody, but nobody would look down on any carer, especially those who care for someone very close who have MS !

 

It's an incredibly difficult task, and of course you will worry about the future and how your husbands MS will impact on you. It's not wrong to think like this. My own partner had a similar conversation with me recently. My MS will and does affect what we can do, when we can do it, and, more importantly , IF we can do it.

 

What happens if I needed long term care, either live in or live out? What happens to us when Clive gets older and finds it harder to cope with me.

 

There are some carers on here who do often have a dreadful time with feelings of guilt and frustration,.....but that's normal too.

 

Scully

x

 

[derby42]

Hello from me too jess.

I can only echo what Scully has said. Have a look through the forum and you'll find plenty of others in your situation. Never feel out of place here, the more the. . as they say!

[Nick]

You are more than Welcome here! The 'other side' aspect is so important and you must never worry about 'being in the right place'

.......................... as normal the others have already told you all that! So once agin a big WELCOME! from me.

 

Nick

[Hezza]

Hi Jess.

 

As has already been said carers, friends and family of people with MS are as welcome here as MSers. Sometimes it can help us MSers to hear how things can be from the perspective of those who live with us and our MonSters.

 

[Scully]

Hello Jess,

 

Emotional challenges of having MS or caring for someone who does are an important aspect.

 

Being diagnosed and living with MS is much like the process of bereavement. Grieving for your old, carefree life, or the plans you had in the future, is a normal process of adjustment. I know from my own experience that along with all the practical difficulties of dealing with progression of the disease there are also immense emotional challenges. However, there are practical ways that can make a real difference to the way you feel:

 

MS Helpline is there for anyone affected by MS. They take 13,000 calls every year, on any MS-related topic. The MS Helpline is available free on 0808 800 8000 and completely confidential.

 

Counselling can help you come to terms with change, and overcome anxiety, depression and other emotional difficulties. It offers a chance to talk about the problems you face in a way that can help you to take positive and constructive steps towards improving the way you feel. You may also find you deal with situations differently which makes them seem less stressful or difficult. Counselling can also help all those affected by MS to feel less alone when dealing with distressing symptoms.

 

Books too can be a great source of help. One that has inspired me recently is “The Chimp Paradox: The Mind Management Programme to Help You Achieve Success, Confidence and Happiness”. As one reviewer of this book wrote “Don't expect this book to give you the answers to life's problems but it will certainly give you the tools to help you deal with them”.

 

Hope this helps

 

Scully

x

[Drums]

Being on here shows you care enough to be here xx

 

Looking after you helps you both..

 

I reckon my lot ( adult kids and non resident significant other) have not really seen the reality..

 

That helps and hinders... But I'm not that badly affected... ..

 

I hope you enjoy this great space ! AND find us all helpful.

[DizzyDog]

Hi Jess...I'm from the "other side" too (my Mum has secondary progressive MS) and this is the first time I've joined a forum for fear of being judged - I've felt guilty for as long as I can remember for the frustrations and anger I sometimes feel towards my Mum and her illness, I've only ever spoken to my partner about the way I feel about it and it took me years to be completely honest with him.

 

I can honestly say that I've found this forum to be soooo helpful - not only have people been completely understanding, it is really helpful to hear honest responses from people in the same position as my Mum and speak to a few people who have been through the same experiences I have. Don't give up just yet - there are carers on here too and I promise they've all felt the same as you do xx