New Church Services

[Marina]

Pastor: “Praise the Lord!”

 

Congregation: “Hallelujah!”

 

Pastor: “Will everyone please turn on their tablet, PC, iPad, smart phone, and Kindle Bibles to 1 Cor. 13:13. And please switch on your Bluetooth to download the sermon.”

 

P-a-u-s-e...

 

“Now, let us pray committing this week into God’s hands. Open your Apps, BBM, Twitter and Facebook, and have a chat with God.”

 

S-i-l-e-n-c-e

 

“As we take our tithes and offerings, please have your credit and debit cards ready. You can log on to the church Wi-Fi using the password ‘Lord909887’. The ushers will circulate mobile card swipe machines among the worshipers:

 

a. Those who prefer to make electronic fund transfers are directed to computers and laptops at the rear of the church.

b. Those who prefer to use iPads can open them.

c. Those who prefer telephone banking, take out your cell phones to transfer your contributions to the church account.”

 

The holy atmosphere of the Church becomes truly electrified as ALL the smart phones, iPads, PCs and laptops beep and flicker!

 

“Final Blessing and Closing Announcements:

 

a. This week’s ministry cell-meetings will be held on the various Facebook group pages where the usual group chatting takes place. Please log in and don’t miss out.

b. Thursday’s Bible study will be held live on Skype at 1900hrs GMT. Please don’t miss out.

c. You can follow your Pastor on Twitter this weekend for counselling and prayers.

 

May God bless you and have a nice day!”

 

Amen

[JellyBellyKelly]

Many a true work spoken in jest - give it a few more years and this may be spookily accurate

 

JBK