I've got a date!

[Shaz]

Bugger - I can't believe I missed all this excitement!!! there's nothing like a call to action like yours to bring out all our motherly/sisterly/brotherly instincts!!!

 

Toby - glad you had a great date and what you said at the end was perfect - you let her know you had a good time and would like to see her again but there was no pressure and you kept it light.

 

I really hope you guys hook up again but if not I'm sure there'll be others - you seem like a very nice and thoughtful guy - and that is what's most important - add your good looks and you shouldn't have any problems!!!

 

Shaz x

[toby]

Louise just wants to be friends, which is still a bonus.

Feel quite 'down' at the moment though.

Dont have a lot of luck.

As everybody says -

"there's plenty more fish in the sea"

I say

"bit of a problem when you cant swim though"

 

luv

[Mikey]

"Just friends" is good Toby. Just relax and let her get to know you better. You've only met once and that's not much of a foundation for a more serious relationship.

 

Relationships take work and time.

 

Don't push it, just enjoy each other's company when you can. Meaningful long term relationships don't usually start off like a rocket. I know people who were "just friends" for years before they realised they meant more than that to each other.

 

Keep cool, take it easy and try to enjoy each others company for a while. Get to know her and vice versa. Share your interests and try to do new things

[toby]

Okay, feeling better today. Was just a bit emotional last night.

 

toby x

[linds]

Okay, feeling better today. Was just a bit emotional last night.

 

toby x

Pleased you are feeling better Toby. Sometimes girls feel comfortable with a good male friend and the relationship then lasts.

 

Linds

[Marina]

Seems that not only do we have Gaynor as our new Agony Aunt, we now have Mike as our new Agony Uncle! What a wonderful pair of helpful souls you both are.

 

Then the chips will fall where they may. Cool, Toby, cool!

I remember you saying something similar to me when we first met even though we'd already started our relationship!

 

Toby, you'll be fine . Sometimes these things take time, as Mike says. Sometimes, women like to play "hard to get", or maybe she's a bit scared of jumping into a relationship straight off and wants to start off by being friends first to see how it goes, like Mike's already suggested?

 

If it doesn't blossom into a relationship, you'll still have a friend and sometimes friendships last longer than relationships and end up being better relationships than a romantic one might have been

[toby]

418 views!

never realised my life was so interesting!

 

maybe i should do a blog "how not to meet girls" ?

 

Thanks all for the advice and support, it has really helped.

 

Anyone know any good sites that are not too "full on" ( i scare easily ).

 

toby x

[Gaynor]

Hi toby,

 

Mm....no, don't know about any of the sites personally....however have you tried match.com? Someone my hubby knew met a woman that way a while back....and I think it was quite successful.

 

Anyway don't fret over things not working out with this lady. Sounds like you won't be meeting up much 'as friends' even? from what you say, but I'm sure someone else will come along and probably when you're not really looking specifically. Fate has a funny hand in life and I certainly believe that.

 

What's meant to be is meant to be (as my Dad always says) and your time will come.

 

My Margerie Proops advice for today is take your foot off the gas, enjoy the scenery and keep the faith :wink:

 

Gaynor

[Shirl]

Right, Toby, my approach might be a bit different from my learned colleagues...

 

I understand how it is to be wanting to 'meet someone', I really do. The added extra of MS can seem quite a hurdle, especially if/when you feel brushed off. You wonder 'was it me, was it the MS, was it just the wrong person?'

 

Letting things develop naturally with someone you meet through a dating site may not be as easy as it sounds. It is GOOD advice for some but people do tend to go on these sites to meet someone 'with a view to romance'. If both of you agree that it is worth pursuing a friendship, then that is fine. If it's only one of you, it is not practical and you can risk being hurt if you are the one doing the 'hoping'.

 

When I was Internet dating, I was on both sides of the fence - ie. met someone & we dated and we hurt each other way down the line (once you agree on a relationship it becomes a normal thing, the way of meeting being almost irrelevant). Other times, I was the one who made it clear we perhaps wouldn't meet again - or I politely escaped! Sometimes it was a mutual decision.

 

But when I met Pete, there was no thinking about what to do involved. We clicked. I explained about MS in a very long you-won't-want-to-meet-me-again-now email and he replied with a oh-yes-I-will-and-I-have-both-eyes-open email.

 

We met onUdate. No promises, Toby, but it might be worth a look. Keep your mind open. We girls say we might have to kiss a few frogs along the way until we meet our prince. Presumably guys have to kiss a few lady frogs...or whatever.

 

I wish you well Toby and I understand your wanting to meet that special someone. Looking back, yeah, maybe I missed the opportunity to make a few male friends...but that wasn't what I was looking for. So be clear about your goals and guard your heart from being broken as much as you can. But 'no gain without pain' is sadly true.

[toby]

Thanks Shirl, your the first person to grasp how im feeling.

34 years you would think its not too hard to be single still and like it.

 

toby x

[Shirl]

Toby, I have a 27-year old son who has been very unlucky in love so, yes, I do know how you might be feeling. Bless you. Chin up and press on. Get back on the Internet, or down to the pub.

[Michelle]

I think Shirl as given excellent advice, and it's great that she understands you. Don't rush into things Toby. Before engaging in dating agencies and the like,make sure you're happy and confident within yourself. To often we look for others to complete us,or we look for company because we are lonely. There's nothing wrong with all that,but first

• Learn to love yourself first and foremost
  
• Set realistic goals
  
• Enjoy finding out things about yourself and others
  

Regards

 

Michelle :wink:

[toby]

My heart fells all gooey.

 

YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST!

 

luv

[Marina]

Anyone know any good sites that are not too "full on" ( i scare easily ).

I thought I'd mentioned it in this topic but I guess it was in another... On our mailing list, we have a member who met her now husband 3 or 4 yrs ago on a dating site. He too has MS. So I asked her what the site was in case it might be of interest to you at some time or another.

 

It was this site: http://www.whispers4u.com/. It's not purely for dating but also for friendships in general, as its description states: "Dating and Social Networking for disabled or handicapped singles to find love, relationships and friendships. Free membership and premium features. Photo personals and live webcam chat for single disabled women and men." Or, just type "disabled dating" into Google and see where it takes you as apparently there are a lot for the disabled.

 

No worries if it's of no interest to you at all though! I just thought I'd mention it as you'd asked about sites

[debzsanderson]

Hello Toby

 

I met Mark on ICQ - he sent out a general chat request to anyone online and I just happened to be there!! Mark was honest from the beginning and told me he had MS and was in a wheekchair.Its so much easier to get to know someone online because it lets you be honest. I came down to Brighton (I lived in North Yorkshire) to see him after a month and I moved in with him after four months and we are still together nearly 7 years later!! Good luck with your search!!

 

debz xx